The Ending & The Beginning: A Meditation Experience
Written: April 15, 2003
Experienced: April 8, 2003
Written by: Nancy Arruda
The Beginning, well there is always a beginning, and always an end. And since I must start somewhere I shall start here. For it seems as thought it is a good beginning. But that may change when I discover more.
This is about a meditation that I journeyed on. My intention of this meditation was to receive answers. I was thinking in mundane matters when I asked the question prior to entering a state of higher consciousness. But once again, the other side reminded me of how minimal our reality here on Earth really is.
The vividness of this meditation was beyond words, so this is rather difficult for me to put down into a concrete form. But I will do my best to explain it, so that anyone who reads this can capture what I had experienced.
A Golden light, beyond brightness enveloped my vision. The brightness to this Golden light was not harsh on the eyes, but soothing. For it was a light that brought with it Love. Love beyond words explainable to the human ideal of what love is. Love beyond Unconditional Love that a Mother would experience with her child. Love beyond Love. A sense of Powerful Pure Love, that has reached outside of any spectrum of Love that I as a human in this life have experienced so far. With the love, this golden light brought with it a sense of Knowing, a sense of wisdom. Knowing and wisdom that is grander then intellect. Much more superior than our minds in human form can fathom. For within this sense of knowing and understanding, came peace. Pure peace. If at for any moment in that time without time, I would have to think of my place in this life, all worries all fears, that my human mind can stir up, dissipated within the first sighting of this Glorious Golden Light.
There I was, not in human form, but in spirit, looking through the glass I would call my eyes sounded by this light. For there at this moment was nothing to see other then this enlightened light. As far as I could see there was nothing. Yet looking into this nothing was the most peace I have felt that I can recall within my human memory. For there was a sense of not belonging there, but there was a sense of belonging. It seemed like forever and yet it seemed like less then a second.
The light remained, and I noticed the ground. I was not standing on the ground, for I had no form. I just was. There was a sandy floor. Like a beach, but not the beach. For there was no water, no land, just sand underneath. Sand which I could not feel, yet I felt.
A form had approached, but not walking, floating or flying. More like soaring yet gliding. She looked into my eyes, or more of my being. She did not speak, but I knew what she said. For words are not said in this place they are felt. Communication happens through a sense of telepathy. This being radiated love as well, but not as strong as the Golden light, but within the same principles of the light. She welcomed me there and told me to be the observer. For that is all that you are, and there you will find answers. She carried a form but was not one. It was like there was an attempt to have a form for the pleasure of my being. For me to understand and communicate with her. If I had to put it into words, she was an angel, but with no wings. She was an angel that would not take the title of one. The title did not matter to her, for she was just being. Her skin seems of porcelain, flawless yet neither solid nor transparent. For it vibrated and the vibration made it seem unfixed. Her eyes like crystals bluer then the sky or the ocean, yet clearer then the sky on a day with no clouds. Her hair was that of golden silk. She wore a piece of fabric like I have never seen. It carried the texture of satin, yet was as soft as silk, but neither of those choices can explain the quality of her garment. The colour was that of a golden bronzed brown, that reflected yet absorbed the light that was reflecting all around. It was not a garment but a piece of fabric, which swayed with her movement. It was not sown yet it was carried and worn to perfection.
She glided around in preparation. She had come first as the greeter but there were more to follow. The second angelic being that entered carried the same grace and qualities as the first one, only she was of darker skin color. The third entered into the area, and her form reflected that of an Asian or Oriental. All that I had seen had taken the appearance of someone in being 30. Yet their skin was as clear and clean as a baby’s skin. They also informed me that I am the observer. That my position was that of strictly the observer. As the observer I could understand and answer my questions. Question that I need not ask, but that required answers.
They all were there for the preparation. And the preparation at this point I did not know to what, but I listened and remained the observer. As I observed I noticed a little girl walking on the sand, coming from the right side of where I was, even though I was in the middle of space and time, there was no direction, but that was the direction that she came. This little girl took the appearance of a child of the ages of 1 to 3 years old. For she was not one nor was she three but that is what she appeared to be. She wore an outfit of made of red wool. With a matching red hat. She carried with her tucked under her arm a toy or a doll of sort, but it really did not exist. Then she stood there, looking around, she was ready. But ready for what I did not know, not yet. The angelic beings multiplied. There numbers beyond counting, there forms vibrating at such a high rate at this point that one could no long see any solidness of their forms, but I knew they were there. All standing around the little girl. She looked up one last time. Her facial expression changed. It appeared that her emotional state was one of pain. But not pain it was painful excitement, and painful loss, without the state or knowing of pain.
At that point, the girl fell through the sand. As she fell through, she raised her right arm up high, so that her hand was the last to be seen. I continued to observe, an energy came over me to inform me that the golden light time was over and that I must continue to another part of observing, for the light is always there, but the seen will change and it may not be visible. I agreed with love and acceptance, even though within me I wanted to stay sounded by this light in this place. I knew that the journey continued in another space. As I let go, I was the observer in a different sounding. I was a human body, or seeing within a human body. And I saw entering a fetus. The fetus came up through the womb. And within what seemed like seconds, it became alive and around 3 month to 4 months within its stage. I could feel the energy of this fetus being that of the little girl in red who fell through the sand. In what seemed like seconds, the fetus became 9 months. And was ready for birth.
The scene changed again, and there she was, in her mothers apartment or loft. Around the age of one. Then again, seconds and she was 3, and then 5, and then 8 and then 11. Each time I saw her at these intervals of age, there was a significant situation. All situations in which she planned. For it was recognizable by her expression on her face. The time and ages between these phases flew by like a movie on fast forward, but so fast that you could not see the picture, just the blur.
The last time I saw her she was 14. She lived alone with her mother in their loft. All nicely decorated. She had just come out of the shower and was preparing to go out with her friends, when her mother approached her. Her Mother was upset at the fact that she did not want to spend that day with her mom. Her mother was holding a cake that she bought for her daughter’s birthday. And just then was speaking about how it was just the 2 of them. They are all that each of them has. And that this day she should spend with each other. With those words came that expression of pain, the same expression that the little girl had on when she fell through he sand. It was key.
With the sighting of that expression, my conscious state reappeared, out of nowhere. I sat for a moment to take in all that I saw. I sat with the answer to the end. The end of one state of being. I sat with the answer to the beginning. The beginning of another state of being. And I sat there with the peace and the love that I brought with me from the golden light.
I stood up, walked over to the clock to look at the time. A half hour had passed. I then looked within in amazement, and noticed, time is but an illusion. It does not exist beyond this reality. For I viewed time before birth on the other side, time without limits or explanation. And then I viewed time that could be measured with life. 14 years of life and the months that come before.
All that time that whole experience was within a half hour of ‘Earth’ time.
I asked myself so many questions afterwards. To find one answer. I was just the observer. To observe and get answers to questions that you need not ask. So for all the questions that I asked from awakening, I realized that they were all superficial mundane questions that had no quality outside of this earth life. That life as I know it is but a blink of an eye. Stop worrying about all the detail. To observe but not to question. To be the higher self that I have set out to be. To release the material desires for the seconds in non time that they take up. To focus on life through segments, not on meaningless details of it, but it. To be one with who I am. To embrace every moment, for my human self does not understand what segments in time will have importance in the bigger picture of life beyond this earth. For that is not for me to decide. That has already been decided and it should not reflect all that I can do now. And yes I have the choice not to do something or to do something, but that has already been decided and it comes from a love beyond words. It comes from the beginning it has an ending and it will continue many, many times over. More then I could even imagine. More than any human can even imagine.
For if we take the leap and fall thought the sand, we will fall time and time again. We will always come back. It will always end, and it will always begin. We are just the observer.